So here are some easy summertime social skills tips:

1. Everything is an opportunity to learn and grow, so when there is a melt-down in summer camp or another child is bullying your child, take the time to help your child learn from the experience. This can be as simple as asking questions, listening, and asking your child for other ways they could have handled the situation.

2. Children learn from playing. So allow your child the experience of sharing and managing differences by inviting another friend over for playtime. Do your best to keep a watchful eye from the distance, so you’re not jumping in to solve what’s happening, but allowing your child the opportunity to figure things out.

3. Encourage your child to try something new, like a new game or even art materials. By doing a project together and giving your child the position of project manager you’ll model support and encouragement, while having a fun time learning together! You’ll find it’s a powerful experience to ask others for support and help when things become difficult, so allow your child the opportunity to express what they need.

Enjoy these summertime social tips to help your child continue to learn and grow, even during the “off” season.

Compared with children who were not hit, those who were spanked were more likely to be defiant, demand immediate satisfaction of their wants and needs, get frustrated easily, have temper tantrums and lash out physically against others.

The reason for that, says Singer, may be that spanking instills fear rather than understanding. Even if a child were to stop his screaming tantrum when spanked, that doesn’t mean he understands why he shouldn’t be acting out in the first place. What’s more, spanking models aggressive behavior as a solution to problems.

For children to understand what and why they have done something wrong, it may take repeated efforts on the parent’s part, using time-outs – a strategy that typically involves denying the child any attention, praise or interaction with parents for a specified period of time (that is, the parents ignore the child). These quiet times force children to calm down and learn to think about their emotions, rather than acting out on them blindly.

Spanking may stop a child from misbehaving in the short term, but it becomes less and less effective with repeated use, according to the AAP; it also makes discipline more difficult as the child gets older and outgrows spanking. As the latest study shows, investing the time early on to teach a child why his behavior is wrong may translate to a more self-aware and in-control youngster in the long run.”

Taken from Study: Spanking Kids Leads to More Aggressive Behavior featured in Time

When the kids get fighting even the most patient parent can lose it, and when fighting is constant there’s a feeling like the battle is endless to get them to stop!

So why do kids do it, and what can you do about it?

Kids practice testing boundaries and socialization with their siblings. It’s a safe forum to learn. So they may fight over toys, choice of video games, or shows they want to watch. They are learn to assert their power, how to respond in conflict, how to deal with upsets- all those things they cannot do with their peers on the playground, because they’d be picked on and left out if they acted that way. Because we are hardwired biologically to be socially connected, the threat of being “expelled” from a social group is devastating to a child. So they get to do all their testing and provoking with their siblings, knowing they will not be kicked out of the family.

Okay, well that explains it, so now what? I’m still overwhelmed and stressed out!

It’s a fine balance between allowing your children to work it out in a ‘hands-off approach’ and being a hovering ‘helicopter parent’ standing over the kids as they play and constantly correcting them.

Here are some key things you can do:

Set household rules around safety-

Be clear that hitting and hurting each other is not acceptable and have clear consequence for that behavior and follow-through.

When problems arise encourage them to work it out-

Sometimes they just need to figure it out, and by staying out of it they can do so.

If they cannot come to a compromise and you see a fight happening, then it’s time for you to step in. Depending upon the situation you can help them create a win:win and if they are unable to find a compromise, you can make a determination.

When they come to you blaming their sibling-

You can acknowledge in a neutral way their feelings, “I see you’re mad” (with out taking sides). When they calm down you can ask them what they are going to or what do they need? Then you can explore if that’s possible or ask how to they get that?

Consequences work, if you follow-through-

Giving consequences for poor choices will help your child understand the impact of their behaviors. However, by setting up a system to reward positive choices, your child will be inclined to make better choices. It’s important to encourage success and good choices from all of your children, so they are encouraged to continue to make more good choices!

If your family is stuck in the cycle of fighting and arguing, and you are sick and tired of the struggle, we can help. Contact info@thecreativityqueen.com . We offer simple creative strategies to help families make positive changes, so your kids behave better and your life is more peaceful.

When you are reactive and angry you cannot see the problem clearly, and often the way it is solved is with threats and blame. If there is something more happening, beyond the fact that your child is not doing well, then you will not be open to discovering what is.
However, if you look at the problem more as an opportunity to learn what’s going on, with a sense of curiosity, you may find out that there may be more to the problem than what you’re seeing.

Here are some common reasons why children have a difficult time with academics:

It’s not that important to them. I know some parents will hate to hear this, but some children really do not value ’school’ learning. These kids may do well with hands-on activities and have bright and brilliant minds, but when it comes to sitting in a classroom or doing homework, it’s really not that important to them. By by being curious (and not reactive), you can learn how important academics are to them and find ways to help them create meaningful learning opportunities. As a parent you can learn how to let go of expecting these children to get great grades and how to stop working harder than they are.

They may like learning, but struggle with executive functioning skills, such as organization, self- management, attention, and memory. These children may have ADHD, anxiety, pervasive developmental disorders, autism, sensory processing issues and are in need additional support. They may be in need of a structured learning process that supports organization, and takes big projects and assignments and breaks them down into smaller manageable steps. Academic settings aware of the child’s learning needs may be able to teach in a more hands-on way to these children, while offering organizational structure. By being curious (and not reactive) you’ll see if your child is struggling. Parents realize that it’s not laziness, but their child needing more support and structure. Often exploring a school Individualized Education Plan may be beneficial to ensure that the teachers also understand your child’s needs. Tutoring may help your child learn how to structure assignments and stay on top of school tasks.

Something else is going on. It could be that her best friend invited someone else to her house, or there is a bully that keeps saying mean things him. Problems at home with between you and your spouse could be impacting them, or their friends are starting to smoke and they don’t know what to do. All of a sudden your ‘A’ student child becomes a ‘C’ student and he’s getting scolded by teachers and coaches, something else may be going on. At times kids may not even know exactly what’s bothering them, however if you are curious (and not reactive) then you can spend some time trying to connect and understand what your child is experiencing. Just because it may not be a big deal to you, doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal to them, so listen without judgement.

You’ve given them too much control. You’ve allowed them unlimited use of their electronics and now you find you can’t get your child away from their Wii, cell phone, or computer! Well it’s time to take back your parenting control in a firm and loving way and start to introduce structure and consequences. By being curious (and not reactive) you can create a routine around homework time and be very clear of what’s expected (and consequences). Of course, follow-up to ensure that the work is done thoroughly, and not just quickly done to get back to their electronics.

If you are looking to help your family create new ways of managing academic struggles, we can help. We’re here to help you and your child create strategies that support them manage difficulties. Please contact us for more information info@thecreativityqueen.com

No more eye rolling and” whatever”: Creative tools to encourage respect and positive communication from your teen.

For parents of adolescents ages 13-19 with Laura J J Dessauer
Join Susan Epstein from ParentingPowers.com for an upcoming Free Teleclass:
Date: Tuesday, February 16th
Time: 8 PM EST/ 5 PM PST

Are you frustrated by your teen’s behaviors?
Do you struggle with a child who melts down, shuts down, or acts
out when they encounter a problem, and you just don’t know what to do?

You’ll learn the follow steps from our Parenting from the Head and Heart System:

* The importance of understanding and validating your child’s point of view.

* How to help your child shift behaviors with this simple tool.

* How to cultivating respect in your relationship. What you need to
know to get the respect you deserve.

* How to change communication patterns from reactivity to positive
effective communication with this strategy. Shift from ‘you can’t
make me” to “Okay”- a tool your child can use at home, in school,
with siblings and peers.

* How to eliminate power struggles by creating consequences that
finally work. Learn a specific tool to contract for success, and
make agreements that encourage personal accountability and
responsibility.

Learn more here:
http://tinyurl.com/977f46

For parents of adolescents ages 13-19 with Laura J J Dessauer
Join Susan Epstein from ParentingPowers.com for an upcoming Free Teleclass:
Date: Tuesday, February 16th
Time: 8 PM EST/ 5 PM PST

Are you frustrated by your teen’s behaviors?
Do you struggle with a child who melts down, shuts down, or acts
out when they encounter a problem, and you just don’t know what to do?

You’ll learn the follow steps from our Parenting from the Head and Heart System:

* The importance of understanding and validating your child’s point of view.

* How to help your child shift behaviors with this simple tool.

* How to cultivating respect in your relationship. What you need to
know to get the respect you deserve.

* How to change communication patterns from reactivity to positive
effective communication with this strategy. Shift from ‘you can’t
make me” to “Okay”- a tool your child can use at home, in school,
with siblings and peers.

* How to eliminate power struggles by creating consequences that
finally work. Learn a specific tool to contract for success, and
make agreements that encourage personal accountability and
responsibility.

Learn more here:
http://tinyurl.com/977f46

TELECLASS TODAY

“7 creative ways to get control of your kids so they learn how to positively manage their behaviors and feelings, & you stay sane!”

Feb 3rd 10:00am CALL TOPIC:
Tip # 3- Help your child shift behaviors with this simple tool!
Learn more click here:


You must register to receive these free call (even if you signed up before). Don’t worry about making the call time. If you cannot attend live a replay link will be sent to you after the call.

Tuesday Feb 2nd 8:00pm EST
Learn more click here:

TONIGHT’S TELECLASS

“Say good-bye to tantrums, meltdowns, and shut downs: Creative tools to help your child positively communicate their feelings.” For parents of children ages 6-12 with Parenting Expert Susan Epstein

Tuesday Feb 2nd 8:00pm EST
Learn more click here:

AND

TOMORROW”S TELECLASS

“7 creative ways to get control of your kids so they learn how to positively manage their behaviors and feelings, & you stay sane!”
Feb 3rd 10:00am CALL TOPIC:
Tip # 3- Help your child shift behaviors with this simple tool!
Learn more click here:


You must register to receive these free call (even if you signed up before). Don’t worry about making the call time. If you cannot attend live a replay link will be sent to you after the call.

Date: Tuesday, February 2nd
Time: 8 PM EST/ 5 PM PST
Guest Speaker: Laura J J Dessauer interviewed by Susan Epstein of “Parenting Powers”

Are you frustrated by your child or teen’s behaviors?
Do you struggle with a child who melts down, shuts down, or acts 
out when they encounter a problem, and you just don’t know what to do?

You’ll learn the follow steps from our Parenting from the Head and Heart System:

* The importance of understanding and validating your child’s point of view.

* How to help your child shift behaviors with this simple tool.

* How to cultivating respect in your relationship. What you need to 
know to get the respect you deserve.

* How to change communication patterns from reactivity to positive 
effective communication with this strategy. Shift from ‘you can’t 
make me” to “Okay”- a tool your child can use at home, in school, 
with siblings and peers.

* How to eliminate power struggles by creating consequences that 
finally work. Learn a specific tool to contract for success, and 
make agreements that encourage personal accountability and 
responsibility.

Learn more here:
http://tinyurl.com/977f46

============================================

**You must be registered to receive information on how to 
access the call.