If you have more than one child, then the answer to question is a resounding, “yes”!
When the kids get fighting even the most patient parent can lose it, and when fighting is constant there’s a feeling like the battle is endless to get them to stop!
So why do kids do it, and what can you do about it?
Kids practice testing boundaries and socialization with their siblings. It’s a safe forum to learn. So they may fight over toys, choice of video games, or shows they want to watch. They are learn to assert their power, how to respond in conflict, how to deal with upsets- all those things they cannot do with their peers on the playground, because they’d be picked on and left out if they acted that way. Because we are hardwired biologically to be socially connected, the threat of being “expelled” from a social group is devastating to a child. So they get to do all their testing and provoking with their siblings, knowing they will not be kicked out of the family.
Okay, well that explains it, so now what? I’m still overwhelmed and stressed out!
It’s a fine balance between allowing your children to work it out in a ‘hands-off approach’ and being a hovering ‘helicopter parent’ standing over the kids as they play and constantly correcting them.
Here are some key things you can do:
Set household rules around safety-
Be clear that hitting and hurting each other is not acceptable and have clear consequence for that behavior and follow-through.
When problems arise encourage them to work it out-
Sometimes they just need to figure it out, and by staying out of it they can do so.
If they cannot come to a compromise and you see a fight happening, then it’s time for you to step in. Depending upon the situation you can help them create a win:win and if they are unable to find a compromise, you can make a determination.
When they come to you blaming their sibling-
You can acknowledge in a neutral way their feelings, “I see you’re mad” (with out taking sides). When they calm down you can ask them what they are going to or what do they need? Then you can explore if that’s possible or ask how to they get that?
Consequences work, if you follow-through-
Giving consequences for poor choices will help your child understand the impact of their behaviors. However, by setting up a system to reward positive choices, your child will be inclined to make better choices. It’s important to encourage success and good choices from all of your children, so they are encouraged to continue to make more good choices!
If your family is stuck in the cycle of fighting and arguing, and you are sick and tired of the struggle, we can help. Contact info@thecreativityqueen.com . We offer simple creative strategies to help families make positive changes, so your kids behave better and your life is more peaceful.
