I hear this common concern from parents, and thought it would be an important topic to discuss. When your child is struggling at school you may want to look at the problem from a more exploratory place, rather than a reactive angry stance, and I’ll tell you why.
When you are reactive and angry you cannot see the problem clearly, and often the way it is solved is with threats and blame. If there is something more happening, beyond the fact that your child is not doing well, then you will not be open to discovering what is.
However, if you look at the problem more as an opportunity to learn what’s going on, with a sense of curiosity, you may find out that there may be more to the problem than what you’re seeing.
Here are some common reasons why children have a difficult time with academics:
It’s not that important to them. I know some parents will hate to hear this, but some children really do not value ’school’ learning. These kids may do well with hands-on activities and have bright and brilliant minds, but when it comes to sitting in a classroom or doing homework, it’s really not that important to them. By by being curious (and not reactive), you can learn how important academics are to them and find ways to help them create meaningful learning opportunities. As a parent you can learn how to let go of expecting these children to get great grades and how to stop working harder than they are.
They may like learning, but struggle with executive functioning skills, such as organization, self- management, attention, and memory. These children may have ADHD, anxiety, pervasive developmental disorders, autism, sensory processing issues and are in need additional support. They may be in need of a structured learning process that supports organization, and takes big projects and assignments and breaks them down into smaller manageable steps. Academic settings aware of the child’s learning needs may be able to teach in a more hands-on way to these children, while offering organizational structure. By being curious (and not reactive) you’ll see if your child is struggling. Parents realize that it’s not laziness, but their child needing more support and structure. Often exploring a school Individualized Education Plan may be beneficial to ensure that the teachers also understand your child’s needs. Tutoring may help your child learn how to structure assignments and stay on top of school tasks.
Something else is going on. It could be that her best friend invited someone else to her house, or there is a bully that keeps saying mean things him. Problems at home with between you and your spouse could be impacting them, or their friends are starting to smoke and they don’t know what to do. All of a sudden your ‘A’ student child becomes a ‘C’ student and he’s getting scolded by teachers and coaches, something else may be going on. At times kids may not even know exactly what’s bothering them, however if you are curious (and not reactive) then you can spend some time trying to connect and understand what your child is experiencing. Just because it may not be a big deal to you, doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal to them, so listen without judgement.
You’ve given them too much control. You’ve allowed them unlimited use of their electronics and now you find you can’t get your child away from their Wii, cell phone, or computer! Well it’s time to take back your parenting control in a firm and loving way and start to introduce structure and consequences. By being curious (and not reactive) you can create a routine around homework time and be very clear of what’s expected (and consequences). Of course, follow-up to ensure that the work is done thoroughly, and not just quickly done to get back to their electronics.
If you are looking to help your family create new ways of managing academic struggles, we can help. We’re here to help you and your child create strategies that support them manage difficulties. Please contact us for more information info@thecreativityqueen.com
